


Another life

by icecreamnana



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Angst, Ends with this universe, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jaemin is Jeno's angel, M/M, Mark is a minor character, Parallel Universes, References to Depression, Set in a different universe, TW slight abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 02:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20922638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamnana/pseuds/icecreamnana
Summary: "You are my angel."Jeno and Jaemin are always destined to be together, in every universe. But Jeno is depressed, isolated, and suicidal. He never gets a chance to meet his universe's Na Jaemin."Can't you just tell me who you are at least?""Jeno," the boy sighed into Jeno's ear, hugging him tighter, "in another life, I'll tell you."





	Another life

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I would just like to say before you read this, if you are not comfortable with mentions of suicide, depression and trauma, this story is not for you.

“Would you like some chewing gum?”

The voice feels distant. Jeno’s eyes flutter open, and he’s instantly blinded by white lights and bleak grey walls. At first, he’s terrified. Where is he? This isn’t his bedroom. What is that awful smell? Oh. Yeah. His memories start flooding back to him, the memories of last night. The last week, last month. The last five years. The thumping pain returns to Jeno’s head, but he’s sure his heart hurts more. He’s not supposed to be here. Is he even still alive?

A boy who looks around Jeno’s age is sat next to his bed. He wore a plain white t-shirt and white jeans. His outfit was as blinding as the hospital walls. God, Jeno didn’t want to be back here. Who was this boy? Some other patient in the ward who came to pity him? Exactly what Jeno needed.

Jeno gave into the pain in his head and didn’t attempt at sitting up. He wasn’t supposed to be alive right now. He didn’t want to be, he hadn’t wanted to be alive for a very long time. His parents, where were they? Probably too ashamed to even look him in the eyes right now. Just like last time. Yeah, a few months back, when Jeno tried to give up again. But he failed. He always failed, every damn time. He never succeeded in anything, not even taking his own life. Jeno was a burden to everyone, he believed, his family, his friends, everyone who ever associated with him. 

Emptiness. Constant emptiness was all he ever felt, yet at the same time, he felt so much agonising pain. Numbness, perhaps, was a better way to describe Jeno. It was unfair how this world was still keeping him alive. 

“Jeno.” That distant voice again. Why did he keep bugging him? He just wanted to alone right now.

“Piss off whoever you are.” Groaned Jeno, groggily. 

“I’m here to walk you home, Jeno.” 

Jeno opened his eyes and forced himself to prop up his body against the bed frame. He could see better now. There was something off about the boy in front of him. There was something wrong with everything, in fact. Jeno took a better look around the room. The door was closed, but everything was too quiet for this to be a hospital ward. The window shone bright light through, but it was so bright that Jeno couldn’t see outside. The boy in white was just as blinding as everything else in the room. The clock wasn’t working. Neither was Jeno’s brain, he thought. 

“What are you talking about? I’m sure my parents don’t want to see me right now.” Jeno sighed, jumping slightly as he looked down at himself to notice he was changed into a completely white gown. He hated it when hospitals changed his clothes, not that it mattered right now anyway. 

The boy with the bleach-blond hair and white clothes had a permanent sad smile on his face, but the mention of Jeno’s parents wiped it straight off and replaced it with a frown. If Jeno had the energy, he would’ve laughed. His parents seem to have that sort of impression on everyone, it appeared.

~

“Jeno, you’re such a disappointment. Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

Comparisons. All the time. Every day.

“Sometimes I think you aren’t even my son.”

A slap to the face. Sometimes in other places, too. Sometimes harder. 

The first time Jeno had tried to kill himself, it was exactly the same. 

“I can’t believe you would do this to us, Jeno. Imagine what the family would think. You’re disgraceful.” 

Or when he started acting up because it was no use trying to be good anymore, he’d never please them.

“Stop hanging out with people like Mark, he’s a terrible influence.”

Or the time he’d argued with his friends over his parents, it was still the same.

“Jeno, stop being pathetic. Everyone’s parents want their kids to do well.”

“See Jeno,” his mum had retaliated, “they don’t even care about you. They’re just trying to ruin your life.”

‘But you’re ruining mine.’ Jeno never spoke those words out loud. 

~

“Jeno, do you have a dream?” The boy proposed, standing up from the chair he was sitting in to instead, walk over to the window and look out of it. Jeno wondered how he knew his name, but he was too out of it, probably on painkillers, to question it. 

“I used to.” Jeno hummed, slowly regaining the strength in his legs to full sit up.  
“What was it?” The boy smiled, turning over to look at him. Jeno blinked. For a second, it looked like the boy had a halo over his head, but it was definitely just a trick of the light. 

“I...wanted to be a singer.” Jeno mumbled, realising how silly it sounded.

“Dear Dream,” the stranger started, loudly, pacing back over to Jeno and perching on the end of his bed, a glimmer in his eye, “that star will be me.” The boy clasped Jeno’s hand and squeezed it. Jeno flinched because, wow, the boy’s skin was boiling hot, and Jeno’s felt freezing cold.

“You’re speaking gibberish.” Sighing, Jeno shoved the boys hands off and finally met his eyes. The smile didn’t leave the boys face, though. His smile reminded him of his friend, Mark. It seemed so genuine and full of love and life. He wished they hadn’t have argued the last time he spoke to him. He missed him.

~

“How could you do this to us? Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?” Mark sobbed at the side of Jeno’s hospital bed. That was the first and only time Jeno ever saw him cry. Mark was Mark, always smiling, always happy. Jeno hated himself so much more at that point. He was causing Mark so much pain, especially by still being here.

“I’m sorry Mark…”

“I thought we were friends, Jeno. How could you try to commit suicide without even letting me try and help you?” Mark cried harder. Jeno knew from that day onwards that their friendship would never be the same.

~

The stranger let go of his hand and pushed Jeno’s hair out of his eyes. He seemed so caring. It was weird how Jeno wasn’t objecting to his touch. It just felt so familiar. The boy felt like someone Jeno had known for his whole life, yet he didn’t even know his name. Jeno scanned the others face, but his smile was very unreadable. 

“We’ll go up soon.” The boy sighed, his dark brown eyes squinting slightly as the light from outside bloomed brighter at that moment. Jeno raised an eyebrow and laid back down in the bed. His energy was running out.

“Up where?” He sighed, but it felt like he’d lost any amount of care he previously had. The boy grinned and reached out for Jeno’s hand.

“Up where you’ll feel the most joy, Jeno.”

Jeno’s breath caught in his throat. His eyes darted around the still silent room. Hesitantly, he reached towards the boy and put his hand on his chest. Just as Jeno had suspected, the heartbeat he’d searched for wasn’t there.

“Am I...dead?” Jeno breathed slowly, his chest moving up and down. He didn’t even know if he had a heartbeat at this moment, but he felt like he was going to faint. This was too much. The blond boy took Jeno’s hand off his chest and held it, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. 

~

“Oh my god, did you hear Jeno tried to kill himself?”

“Yeah, his parents must be so embarrassed.” 

Everyone knew. Jeno wasn’t even sure how it had spread, but a week after his attempt and he was back in school, all eyes on him. 

“How can he be depressed with looks like that?”

“I know right. Some people don’t know what true pain is like.”

Did Jeno know what true pain was like? He used to feel so much pain when he was beaten for all his wrongdoings, but now they just made him feel so numb. When his parents degraded him and wished him out of existence, it wasn’t painful anymore. It was nothingness. They’re right, Jeno thought, he know longer knew what true pain is like. When you can’t feel love, happiness, pain or sadness, what’s the point anymore?

~

“Not exactly.” The boy smiled, pulling on Jeno’s hand, ushering him up. Jeno obliged, and he managed to stay on his feet. His thoughts were clouded with confusion. Had he finally done it? Was he finally going to be free of everything? If he had the ability to, he would’ve cried. 

“Then, what am I? Who are you? What is this place? Are you my guardian angel or something?” Jeno laughed weakly, and the boy shrugged in response, pulling him over to the window.

“I can’t explain anything at the moment, but...you belong somewhere else. Somewhere you’ll be stronger.” 

“Can’t you tell me who you are at least?” Jeno gasped, feeling as if all oxygen had been knocked out of his body. The boy just smiled again, and wrapped his arms around Jeno. He was so, so warm. He really felt like home, a feeling Jeno had never felt. 

“Jeno,” the boy sighed into Jeno’s ear, hugging him tighter, “in another life, I’ll tell you.”  
~

Shooting up from his bed in a cold sweat, Jeno yelled out. He looked around him, breathing in and out slowly attempting to ground himself. He tried to recall the nightmare he’d had, but he couldn’t think at all. But there was one distinct face he remembered from the dream.

“Wake up.” Jeno whispered, shaking his boyfriend by the shoulders.

“Jeno, what time is it? Don’t we have our debut tomorrow? Try and get some sleep.” 

Debut. Oh yeah, that’s right. All his years of idol training had finally paid off, and he was finally debuting tomorrow at the age of sixteen. And not just by himself, but with his best friends. They weren’t just friends, now, they were family. 

“I just had a bad dream.” Jeno groaned, laying back down in his bed and wrapping his arms around the other. 

“I’m here for you, just cuddle me and try to sleep.” 

Giving in, Jeno sighed and pressed a kiss on the back of the other boys head. That’s right, tomorrow was an important day. He needed as much sleep as possible. Jeno smiled softly to himself.

“You’re an angel, Na Jaemin.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes writing stories like this is a good way to express things. If you read up until here, thank you for reading :)


End file.
